Lord. I can’t tell you how many blogs I’ve had in the past. I would get this strong sense where I desperately wanted to write something, wanted to publish something for someone—not sure who—but someone to at least have the opportunity to read. Maybe subconsciously I was looking to satisfy my own self gratuitous nature by posting something and believing someone would read it.
Isn’t that what a blog is for? Aren’t we just putting these things on here to satisfy an emptiness inside of us? Maybe I’m seeking self respect by tricking myself into believing someone will read my words, recalculate their lives, and give all credit to me.
Then again, maybe not.
Blogs are clearly for suckers, and the suckers are the ones writing. I’ve had blogs where I posted one or two (or one) posts then neglected it. I’ve had blogs where I wanted to reveal myself to the world as “The Sunday School Reject” who pretended to have some sort of grasp on a broken world while still remembering the redemptive blood of Jesus. I’ve had a blog where I pretended to talk about being an educator while aggressively keeping my school (Clinton High School) and students (students of said high school) anonymous to protect their privacy (we all know when we hear spin like “protect their privacy” that is just code for protect my own tail.) I even had one where it was nothing but character sketches of potential characters that could show up in stories I would never write.
But I kept neglecting these blogs because I would have an idea about a football team or an idea about a passage in the Bible or a comment on a political figure or a “world changing” idea as an educator—and my blog title limited what I was to write about. It was either “Education-esque” or “Church-esque” or “Pretentious-esque.”
This is so indicative of my scattered approach to life. It’s not quite “A.D.D.” and it’s not quite “Expert.” It’s both but neither. It’s somewhere in between.